I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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