The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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