i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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