I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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