i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
