True but thats because hes a fetus.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
