I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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