Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
