Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
