I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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