plz talk dirty to me
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Randomize
