I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
barbara walters just said penis...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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