just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
