I faked an abortion last night.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
