Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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