so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
