obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
