Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
