Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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