let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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