The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
