No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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