Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
