There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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