Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
