i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
