hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
