i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
