I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I have aggressive nipples.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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