I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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