Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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