Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
