I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
