Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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