i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
