I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
