I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
