the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
