She is in my trunk
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
