Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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