Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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