How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
