Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
