my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
