I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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