I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
