what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
