her vagina looked like bernie madoff
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
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