the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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