Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Randomize
